I've just got back from filing my income tax and must thank the staff at the branch of the Revenue Department for their helpfulness and efficiency. It must be a thankless job knowing that nearly everyone they deal with would probably rather be somewhere else.
It is no secret that a lot of "creative accounting" goes on amongst the more affluent members of society at this time of the year and not only in Thailand. As the late American author Herman Wouk put it "Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today".
You don't normally associate taxation with humour but there was an amusing tale many years ago when the owner of a large Bangkok massage parlour had a dispute with the revenue people. Tax officials were even sent "undercover" to check out how the massage parlour operated.
This proved to be more difficult than one would have thought and it required several follow up visits by diligent officials to determine the role of "vitamin soap".
The best outcome was that for a few weeks Bangkok boasted the sweetest-smelling tax officials in the world.
Someone who was definitely not amused by tax collectors was George Harrison of the Beatles who wrote "Taxman" which appeared on the Revolver album.
One verse goes: "If you drive a car, I'll tax the street/If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat/ If you get too cold, I'll tax the heat/ If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet."
However, no need to get the handkerchiefs out. Despite the formidable taxes, the four Liverpool lads somehow managed to get by.
No entry
During the late 1970s I was friends with a Swede who ran a night club on Sukhumvit Road. One Friday evening I was puzzled to see him standing in the doorway appearing to be turning customers away. It was most unusual behaviour.
I thought perhaps he was hosting a private party but that was not the case. As I approached, he explained "don't come in tonight, the taxman's here, please find somewhere else to go."
In those days it was normal practice for nightlife places to have their tax assessed by officials sitting on the premises all evening monitoring how busy the place was.
The frustrating thing for the pub owners was that the tax people invariably showed up on the busiest night of the week, a Friday, which often led to a high tax.
Which explains why that Friday the proprietor spent the entire evening telling potential customers to "go away".
Nailing Scarface
Someone who definitely wasn't keen on paying taxes was American gangster Al Capone. Although law enforcement authorities were unable to nail him on his multiple criminal activities they eventually arrested him on tax evasion charges.
In a desperate bid to wriggle out of it Capone came up with the splendid argument: "They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money." It was a good try but didn't convince the jury and soon it was destination Alcatraz where he was incarcerated for the next four years.
Capone was also known by his nickname "Scarface" acquired after a knife attack messed up his face. The gangster always claimed the scars were "war wounds" and also made it clear he much preferred to be called "Big Al".
Word salad
It is no secret that US President Donald Trump's favourite word in the English language is "tariff". But in recent weeks another word that he appears to have grown a fondness for is "obliterated'' or "obliteration", although he sometimes struggles pronouncing it.
Obliterate, which entered the English language in the 1600s comes from the Latin obliteratus originally meaning "Causing to disappear, blot out or erase".
But that sounds far too polite and perhaps a more accurate meaning is the modern interpretation, "the total destruction of something".
That's all a bit depressing, but as the next item explains, Mr Trump has discovered another word with a more gentle message.
Everything is beautiful
According to the American digital newspaper Politico the most common word you are likely to hear from Mr Trump's mouth is "beautiful", which is certainly easier on the ear than "obliteration."
It is also a most adaptable adjective. Hardly a day goes by without Mr Trump calling something "beautiful".
Admittedly for the man in the White House just about anything can be beautiful ranging from a police raid, to American military weapons.
Other objects of beauty in his eyes have been a rubber Trump mask and his own temperament, which he informs us is "totally controlled, so beautiful".
A taste of Thailand
Important news from England. According to the food delivery firm Just Eat, the Thai dish Pad Thai has broken into the top 10 of the most popular takeaway dishes the company delivers in Britain. Looking at the list it is noteworthy that when it comes to takeaways the Brits are rather partial to what can very loosely be termed "international cuisine".
Topping the list is Margherita pizza followed by chicken chow mein and sweet & sour chicken. Fourth place goes to Korean fried chicken. After that comes chicken tikka masala, pepperoni pizza and something possibly British called "loaded fries" which one suspects is not health food.
Then comes Pad Thai which even beats the traditional fish and chips which has slipped down the rankings due to the high price of cod.
